不想

很想离开这里 ~
不想面对任何人，
总觉得好累
不想面对任何人
不想说任何事
不想解释，不想找理由
不想听，不想服从
不想着急，不想担心
不想失去。。。

永无止境

受伤流血的痛，
让我觉得很舒服，
提醒我仍然活着，
这都不是梦。
好想让血一直流下去，
我需要疼痛
来唤醒我
我需要疼痛
来掩饰没有伤口的痛
毕竟
流出血的伤口
才有痊愈的机会!

雨天

昨夜，窗外下着雨
我的房间，也不自觉地下起雨了，
浸湿了我的宝贝枕头 - girl girl

我的双手不停的颤抖，
心却是抽抽的刺痛
有说不出的难过
辗转难眠的夜里，
怀着不安的心情，
我不知所措，
一直责备自己，
问自己到底做错了什么？
得到朋友的安慰，
却无法平复波动的情绪，
一通电话，
犹如被骂了又骂，
眼睁睁的到天明。

疲惫的身躯，
伤痕磊磊的心，
我负荷不起
好想。。。

你的拥抱是她的幸福

你的怀里
充满着温暖
是她向往的幸福

你的拥抱
是她最大的安慰
再多的委屈
都不算什么

躺在你怀里，
被疼爱的拥抱，
始终是最感动的。
她却贪心的
要多了一点点

不敢正视你
也只因为深怕自己无法自拔
对你怀有更多的不舍

临走前
还是无法自制地
偷偷的凝视着你的脸
心里有说不出的难过与不舍
也不愿转移视线
转身的那一刻
眼泪不争气的落下
却不愿让你看见
她心碎的那一面
因为她希望把笑容留给你

Everything will be ok :)

I had been away from msn for sometimes. I just need more time for myself to think more deeply about my future and other problems. After having alot of discussions or getting advices from people around me, i have alot of opinion as my reference. but after i talked to him yesterday, then only i realised in his mind and perception, my thinking and plan is so immature. I should have think more deeply and mature.

It comes to a sleepless night. It's midnight 3am, im talking on phone with my fren till 4am. My stomach had been pain since few hours ago. I guess i suffered gastric again. It is painful for the past few days also. :(

There are alot of thinking on these few nights. Im always wonder what should i do? what kind of decision i should make? Towards him, i really have no idea...

How can i breakthrough the end

I cried...
but why is it still so painful
I can't resist the pain
*burst into tears*
Feel like wanna take the knife stab right into it
let it bleed so that i can know where the pain exactly come from
Everything doesn't seems to be alright
nothing makes sense
I dont know how...
why???
why wanna push me to the dead corner?
Am i deserve to be treated that way?

Im trying to smile and laugh as hard as i could
when im with you
cause i want to be remembered as the girl
who always smiles even though when her heart is broken
and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own

leave me alone...

i couldn't tell any pain..

It's fragile

IM SORRY! ~ kor kor
I break the promise :(

Delicate to my dear Natorians

Hope everyone is fine &

having a great life

~ I miss the moment ~

~ I miss all of them ~

miss those days

huggies ♥

New friends

26 - 7 - 2010

After so long...

We meet up again. I was very surprised that he would call me out for tea. Kinda happy that hang out with him! It's been a year since last time we meet each other. He is the one i never forget even though we didn't contact at all.

Also, im happy to know two new friends - Jason & MZ! All of them are hair stylist. So cool right.. haha... the atmosphere is kinda weird as another 2 of them didnt talk much and im the one who talk whole night. lol..

Reach home very late @ 12.45am... Luckily my parents didnt say anything!

- Tony aka Jian Rong - - --------------- - - his brother Jason -

~ MZ ~

~ HOME ~

I been emo / sad / bad tempered for the past few days. Yeah, my mood turn to be good now! It's because i received call from kor kor, get a sms from loong, tea with Jian Rong and alot of care from many ppl.

Today, both of us manage to spend some time chatting and talk to each other. STill, the problems never solve and remain unchange. But, i wouldn't care much of it anymore. More importantly, im happy for who i am...

♥ qianqian

27 - 7 - 2010

happy? excited? fun? All i got it ~

Yeah, kor kor come all the way to klang. we have dinner at Osaka - a japanese restaurant. Another guest joining us which make me a little bit of excited. haha... His name - Jeremy. He is a smart guy, quite ok looking and very nice and friendly. yeah yeah... i know more new friends!
The food recommend by him was delicious. its really worth for the price. I like it so much. i wonder when is the next time eat at there again ~ Super nice dinner and happy :)
Thanks so much to kor kor for call me out and spend me nice dinner.

Cats and Dog

Result release today!
Staring at the screen, looking at the result, it turn out sucks and really disappointing me. im so speechless on the moment. I had no excuses to blame on anything, anyone except myself. I can feel the tears rolling through my cheek.
Supposedly i should have gave my academic record a nice ending yet i screwed it up. Worst result in my life. I just can blame myself for not putting any effort in it. And everything that I work hard for the past 2 years are so wasted. Ended up, it turn out to be so bad.
All this prove that im really useless after all.... :(

Melacca one day trip

26 June 2010

... till the day we meet again, the story continue with more fun & jokes. You guys are always the one i treasure much and it never come to end.

Early morning 7am, I received a morning call from long v. SHock man, it's damn early! I went out from home at 8am. THen, went to fetch goey *my sweetheart*, bought our breakfast at KFC drive-thru and fetch Jane *the beauty* and we head on to melacca. Yeppi, so exciting and really a talkative journey!

*FuLL with laughters and happiness*

We reached there in one and half hours, thanks to long v's driving skill & speed. lolx...

So, first place we visit is chicken rice shop to hv our breakfast again. All of us so good in eating. we ate lots and lots

That's great and we gain more energy for the later fun :)

Later on, we went jonker street to shop around and get some souvenir, Nyonya house, eat cendol, satay celup, dataran pahlawan! Alot of walking, sweating and yet funny and happy time.

We took alot of picture with iphone and nokia 5800 because they forget to bring along the digital camera. Still, all the pictures we took are nice. But, we manage to have 2 precious group photo.

the group pic that i like so much

The pic took by no skill man

The two pics which had the story lay behind & make us laugh :)

tiring yet so wonderful day !!

eat alot of food & im so satisfy

Thanks long v for spending us &

be a driver, take care of us for whole day!!

Best sista always :)

Thanks goey & Jane for the fun that you guys gave me

I appreaciate it alots man...

Love ya always

and hope we can hv more chance like today

miss you guys and our journey again

I'm BACK

I had abandon my blog for such a long time, and yeah ~ im back... There are more and more happy and memorable story that i wanna share here! stay tuned... lol

It had been a harsh time for me during this exam period as im doing last minutes revision due to my sickness, laziness, emotional broke down. STill, i went through all the papers with all my best! Hope luck will fall on me as well ~

Yeah ~ i been enjoying all the time since i done my third paper ~ and yeah yeah.. the enjoying & wonderful time continue after i finish my last paper :)
It been a great time...

Somehow I feel a little bit of 'bu she de' to end my degree life so soon! I still can't see my future, what i want and what kind of life, career that i will fall into. Everything seems so complicated.

Forgive me for talking so much of crap here.

dumb dumb ever

Finally, the final exam is started. COunt down 3 left ~
Yesterday, I had my first paper - IBPF and i screwed up on it
At first, i thought im doing well for the paper
aiks.. Later on, I realize that i had did a very stupid mistake
How can i copy answer blindly without reading the question carefully
wtf im doing now.. haiz... Thats the first stupid mistake that i did
I feel so dumb & stupid :(



Im feeling exhausted after this paper yet i couldn't rest or sleep when i reach home
Maybe im too tired plus the stupid mistake affected my mind
sighs...

Bad Luck

I don't know why recently all bad things happen on me. At first i got sick and all those painful, then my phone spoil and... I wish to have more luck for my final exam. I just hope all the bad things happen now and won't happen for my final ~ It will be enough for me.

Kinda heartache after listen all those words. It hits my heart badly :( I wonder what is true... *emo*

Yesterday (17 June 2010), I feel really tired after went out for whole day. Finally, i able to sleep well after so long. Its been more than 2 weeks that i didn't manage to have a good sleep. Maybe this is because of my mood turn to be good. Im happy that he accompany me study for whole afternoon.

It's time to start NOW ~ yet i dont hv motivation..

he is the only one who can motivate me

yet he did nothing...

sighs!

BabY GURL ♥

How much i wish i can be his only baby girl

cherish me like he did always

I knew that he don't like me to rely on him so much

I had been pestering him since i fell sick

I had no idea...

perhaps i need a way to keep myself

from stick with him &

stay away from him

Im always trying my best on it ~

I wish im the one bb ♥

New Puppy in the house

wow...

This is my first time i meet him

~ little cuties ~

My cousin just bought it

It is a Schnauzer

but the colour of fur doesn't look like the usual one

not 100% pure

white colour really so nice

as white as the snow

I like it so much...

he is just 3 months baby only

still small size as compare to kino

New puppy

This is kino

He is very cute & smart oh :)

温馨的小事

昨天，我去了Old Town， 在那里消耗了差不多有六个小时。原以为出来外面，空气比较流通，也比较能专心的读书，可是我还是心不在焉。很多时候，我都是在发呆，望着店门口人来人往的走廊或是在店里的客人。

其中，有一桌人吸引了我的目光，我的视线一直都无法从他们身上离开。在我眼里，他们是一个非常温馨的家庭，由爸爸妈妈带着一对子女，还有爷爷和奶奶。另外还有一个老婆婆却不知道他们是什么关系。我猜想是奶奶的姐妹吧！她的声音最引起我的注意。我可以很清楚的听到她亲切的与孙子的对话。一家人一起在外面喝下午茶，是多么的温馨，是多么幸福的事呀！我真的非常羡慕，一直默默地渴望拥有这样的机会，却是从未实现的期待。如今，这份期待也只能保存在我心里成为永远的期待！曾几何时，我也有阿公阿麽疼，当时还小的我，却不懂得去珍惜，现在的我，是多么渴望与羡慕那些仍有着公公婆婆疼的小孩。希望他们会好好珍惜这一段美好的亲情！

在那一家人走的时候，我看见老婆婆和老奶奶手牵着手地一起走。那一幕，真令人心动！

当我想念我的公公婆婆时，

我只能在回忆里，

或是梦中，

与他们想见了！

S!CK

I fell sick since last week and this push me even more pressure on my studies.

At first it is just a small matter of flu + sore throat. Doctor gave me the flu medicine and will be recover after few days of rest. One week later, my flu almost heal and here the sore throat came again. sighs.. As recently i always burn midnight oil, lack of sleeping hours and also water, sore throat getting serious. Due to too stressful, i got headache on wednesday night and i forced to swallow 2 panadol to relief my pain. Next day, the pain seems never reduced and i got so suffered and he sent me to clinic to seek for consultation from doctor again. Doctor asked me to get enough sleep and drink more water. She said if continue like this, i might get fever.

After taken lunch with him, he forced me to eat the medicine. After that, I didn't feel headache and blur blur already. I felt better. Once i reach home, i took a short nap.

Argh... The worst really happen to me. i woke up at 8pm and didn't have my dinner. That time, i feel so cold & i was suspected got fever already. I called him and wanna tell him that im really suffered but he seems no reaction and busy with his works. So, after few hours my fever goes until very high and i really don't know what to do. My dad went out and bought me dinner. AFter i taken my dinner then only take the medicine again. That night is real suffer, pain and cold + hot for me. Some more, i wait for him whole night to online and at the end, i was so disappointed that he didn't.

That night i really can't sleep well as i got cold & hot again and again. Also, my back was so painful until i can't sleep. On friday, he came meet me. We have breakfast together and he feed me with porridge. *teehee* Sick people should have such a privilege.

I thought im getting better and i study @ old town for the whole afternoon. I spent 5 hours there & i actually can't focus on it and didn't study much due to the painful of my back & my condition doesn't seems to be good. argh... im damn stress and worried ~ :(

Then, i got high fever again. AFter he done his work, he accompany me. I feel so comfortable to lay on him and warm that he hug me. Although im really very suffered at the moment, Im happy to have him beside me and take care of me. After that, i went to clinic again. this is the third time already. I straight away asked doctor to gave me injection as i got no time to wait my sickness heal slowly. I got to study and study.. really the worst case now.

That night, he spare many hours to accompany me because of my sick. He worried about me! :) We had dinner together. It's great even though i have to eat porridge again. After that, he sent me home.

These few days, I really ate alot of painkiller. I wonder will it affect my brain cell. I hope it wont and i wont get stupid after i got high fever for 2 days. lolz...

here is my medicine which make me crazy :(

i hate those medicine.. hate it :'(

Randomness

Im wasting my time blogging here instead of doing my revision. Im sure many of them gonna say me no guai again. haha ~ Due to the killing subject - PFM, im here to release my stress! lol ~ this is just a nonsense excuse.

I still feel lazy to do my revision. Also, i suffered stomach pain this early morning at 5am. Argh.. what's a bad condition to start my day! I slept very late last night and yet awake so much earlier even though i do not have to go college. wth man, im real tired and exhausted. Even my aunt also asked me why i look so dumb and blur with my small eyes last night.



After few days of waiting, finally i get the email. It's a long email that written by him. I can't get into my mind what he wrote even though i read it repeatedly for several times. Anyways, i feel touched when i read the last part even though it is part of the lyric that he copied out from somewhere.

♥ Had a small surprise today! Erm.. maybe I should consider it as my wish come true. haha ~ I been wondering since few days ago that when he will come to find me like previous time. I still remember there is a day that he came all the way to my house and bought something for me as I angry him and 'fa pi qi' towards him. Recently, there are alot of argument & unhappyness happen. And im wonder why he won't bother again which care of me like last time. *disappointed*

Just now he came find me really surprised me. It's like what i think in my mind does come true. :) *Thanks for the lunch & bubble tea* happy with it ~

No matter what gonna happen in coming days, im still believe in our promise.

No matter what troubles you had, be tough and everything gonna be ok ~ support you!

No matter how busy we are, don't forget to slow down, have a rest, thinking of the moment we went through and take care!

No matter how long we didn't meet, im still believe nothing gonna change as long as there is a determination.

Last Last round

It's 9am ~ @ computer lab
I really very tired & so sick now. Flu haven't fully recover here sore throat come again. Today gonna be a tiring day as i got 8 hours continuous classes to attend and all are so important for my final exam. No choice, i force to attend all tutorials. The worst thing is i didn't bring my girl girl along with me. Miss her so much. If i had brought it, I can take a nap in computer lab.

This period is really very tough for me and i just wish i can fully recover soon and gains more spirit to fight for the last one.

IBPF = stress
PFM = What the hell = nightmare
GI = Hopeless
BIS = dying

When i looked at my calendar, I feel panic, worried and scary. Left 2 more weeks to go. Im running out of time. How can i finish up everything in 2 weeks time. sighs.. hopeless :(
Stress level increases... 10% -- 20% -- 40% -- 50% -- 75%